I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
