I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
