I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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