why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
