That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
