i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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