i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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