We named our party play list daddy issues
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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