I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
can u get pink eye on your cock?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize