why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
