Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
