I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
How external is "for external use only"?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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