i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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