U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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