you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
