To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
