mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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