Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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