Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
