He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
So vagazzling was a success
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
