I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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