did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
