I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I just googled if crying burns calories
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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