No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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