Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
