I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
