Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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