Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
