i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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