the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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