please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize