Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
