I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just forgot I was standing up.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
