things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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