I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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