I'm going to jail i love you
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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