When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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