someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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