Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
