i may or may not be watching the land before time
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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