Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
