She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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