Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize