So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
