so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
she told me i tasted like america
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
