okay pat passed out under dana's car
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize