he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
