So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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