He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You dont lie about slip and slides
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
