forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
