so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
