Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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