so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
