everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
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