i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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