When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
