I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
