mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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