There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize