I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
