dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
