i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
