last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
