I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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