I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
