Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
